by the fans for the fans

In the year 20xx, Alpha Bravo faces his greatest challenge yet: The battle to establish cable internet service to his new apartment!

Both Time Warner and Comcast have sold this area to Spectrum, which is literally based in the Phillipines. For starters, every time you call, there is a 50% chance that the person on the other end will request your Social Security Number. When that happens, you hang up and try again. I was on the phone literally for TWO FREAKING HOURS with a girl who couldn't understand a word I was saying, and I couldn't understand a damn word she was saying.

AB: "Can I talk to someone who speaks English?"
Girl: "I AM speaking the English!"
AB: "Well then can I talk to someone who understands ME when I speak the English?"

She had no idea wtf she was talking about either. Every time I asked her a question, she did not know the answer.

Girl: "Bundle rate is $89 a month for 12 months, and then the standard rates apply."
AB: "What are the standard rates?"
Girl: "I'm sorry, I do not have that information."
AB: "As a customer service representative, shouldn't you know what it is that you are talking about, so that when a customer asks you a question, such as 'what are the standard rates?', that you will be able to give them that information?"

...extended hold...

She placed me on extended hold at least 6 times during the course of our two hour phone conversation. One time she tried to stay on the line and connect me to the Help Desk so we could ask a question together. First of all, the transfer hung up on her. Second of all, the Help Desk was an automated system which repeatedly asked me for my Account Number, which I, of course, did not have, because I had not yet set up an account. To Pepita's credit, she called me back after a few minutes of listening to the automated request, and apologized.

Finally, she gave up and transferred me to her supervisor, who spoke perfect English, and wrapped up my call within 5 minutes.

He gave me a confirmation number, and a phone number to call to schedule the installation. I called that number, gave the guy my confirmation number, and he said he would need all of my information to set up an account. I told him I already have an account, as per the confirmation number, and just needed to schedule an installation. He replied that the confirmation number does not prove an account, rather it is simply a request for an account. I asked him then why did I just spend 2 hours on the phone setting up an account? He said he couldn't tell me that. So I hung up on him.

Called back, got someone else. He scheduled my installation within minutes, for 2 days later, between 2 and 3 pm. The Installation Tech was supposed to call an hour before his arrival.

Well the day of the Installation came, no call, no tech. I called the Installation number. The guy on the other end told me there was a note on the account stating that they could not perform the installation due to incomplete account information. He told me that he would need all of my information, and we could begin the process over again, but the installation would not be that day. I asked him if he was going to bill me again for starting the process over. He got mad at me for asking such a question. I asked him again. He conceeded that he would require another payment. I told him to go f--- himself.

I went to the bank and closed my bank card. Got a replacement card. When I returned home, the Installation Tech was knocking on my door. He, at least, was an American, so the Installation went off without a hitch. We had a nice conversation about bullshit customer service from the Phillipines, among other things. During my phone setup, I told them I didn't want or need wifi, but they gave it to me anyway.

Well at the time, I hadn't been billed at all yet. So joke's on them, they are going to be pissed when they do try to bill me and discover that my card information is invalid.

And just yesterday, I got a call from a suspiciously Phillipino-sounding man claiming to be from Ohio Edison. I told him he doesn't sound like he is from Ohio Edison, and hung up on him.

Epilogue: The upstairs neighbor offered me $20 a month to use my wifi. In the interests of peace, prosperity, and some extra cash, I accepted. She will never know the battles that took place, the sacrifices made, to ensure her broadband liberty. Salute.

DAMN!

JUST WOW MAN.

SO HOW MANY TIMES YOU GET CHARGE? JUST ONCE I HOPE.

This is the most awesome thing that has been posted on this website in the last months! That's pretty sad, but man that was a great story!

so funny and yet irritating

I only got charged once, since I changed my bank card information and make one-time payments through their website.

Just last night I saw a television commercial for them, saying that when you cancel service, a lot of cable companies will charge you a cancellation fee of $100-200. Spectrum doesn't charge you one! That's because, as the largest provider in the USA now, they know that your alternatives are rather limited, and you'll come crawling back in a week, begging forgiveness.

Yep